A friend forwarded me a list this week. I don’t know who the author is, but it made me laugh.
It’s about being in your 60s.
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run — anywhere.
4. People call at 9 p.m. (or 9 a.m.) and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 p.m.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
19. You can’t remember who sent you this list.
If you’re in your 60s, you will find the foregoing hilarious. If not, well, wait till you get there.
I’ve noticed a few things about being in my 60s, too. I’ve noticed, for example, that I’m the only one left in the office who pounds on a computer keyboard as if it was a typewriter. I’ve gone through three of them this month.
I’ve noticed there’s a note taped to my monitor that says, “Have you tweeted today?” and that I just ignore it.
I’ve noticed that I’ve started accepting the 10-per-cent discount on seniors day — something I vowed never to do. I even cracked a copy of Zoomer magazine one evening.
I’ve noticed that my friends keep getting older.
I’ve noticed that, almost every day, somebody asks me if I ever think about retiring. Most are just making polite conversation; some sound hopeful.
I heard recently there are only two questions that need to be answered when you contemplate retirement: have you had enough, and do you have enough.
In thinking it over, the answer for me will probably always be ‘no’ to both but, as that great philosopher, Vince the SlapChop guy, has said, “You know we can’t do this all day.”
One more thing I’ve noticed is that I still love my job and admire the people I work with, and like most of the people I meet. Which beats the hell out of hating what I do and loathing those I work with. Seems like a pretty good time to call it a career.
I’ve been thinking about it awhile, but when I hit 68 this spring I started thinking about it more. So, on Friday afternoon, Sept. 14, in the 42nd year since I began working here, I will stop beating up on keyboards at The Daily News, and move out of the way for someone who will treat them better.
Until then, I’ve got a lot of writing to do. I’d better get busy.