A wish and a promise for the new year

This morning, reporter Michele Young came into my office chuckling about how we narrowly escaped a tiny disaster in today’s edition.

She filed a story yesterday on a new surgical technique for kidney operations. In our quest to avoid headlines that might misrepresent the story, we ask reporters to put a “suggested headline” at the top of each story.

Michele’s suggested headline was “Scoping It Out.” When the page was put together, it read, “Scooping It Out.” While that headline might have been eye-catching, I’m pretty sure the surgeons at RIH don’t regard what they do as scooping out kidneys. Fortunately, eagle-eyed associate news editor Mark Rogers, who toils nightly on the late shift, spotted it and the correction was made. 

One of my wishes for the new year is that we avoid embarrassing headline errors, or editing errors, for that matter. Like the one I made not too long ago on an important story about ranching and the environment. I hit the wrong key during the spellcheck, and the damned computer changed the name of one of the main players to “Darien Dimply.”

Throughout the story, the poor guy became Darien Dimply. It would be kind of funny except for the fact it was a pretty major announcement, which meant a lot to all concerned. We published a correction, as we always do, but he and his family now have a newspaper for their scrapbooks that identifies him as Darien Dimply. I’m not sure who felt worse, me or them.

So, right up there on my list of new year’s resolutions is to pay more attention to the “skip” and “replace” keys when I’m spellchecking stories.

Hve  a hppy new yer.

Some mornings, I have no sympathy for Vancouver

For publication in The Kamloops Daily News, Saturday, Dec. 27, 2008

When the David Brown wouldn’t start for the third morning in a row, I stopped feeling sorry for those poor Lower Mainlanders and their bit of snow.

Check that — I never did feel sorry for them, but standing out there at 31 below with the Dave Brown hooked up to the battery charger and block heater, looking like a patient on life support, I began to resent their whining.

The Dave Brown is 38 years old and they literally don’t make ‘em like that anymore. In fact, they don’t make them at all. I’m told Dave spent most of the 38 years faithfully toiling at the Willow Ranch before being adopted out to “The Farm” (that’s what we call our place, a generous term since our main crop is marmots). Those 50 horses of diesel power and a six-foot rear blade are usually all I need to clear the snow from our half mile of driveway.

When the thermometer dips below minus 20, though, Dave turns from Mr. Dependable to Mr. Leave Me Alone, I’m Too Cold to Move. At 19 under, that old tractor fires instantly to life and we chug along, life in the slow lane, laughing at Mother Nature and anything she can throw at as. 

And Mom nature, fighting back, takes it to the next level. That’s when Dave folds like a cheap tent. During these past couple of weeks, we’ve watched helplessly as the snow piles up, and Dave continues to refuse to start.

One morning, old Dave coughed a little like he does when he’s giving it the old college try, then fell silent.

I resent this, since I go to great lengths even to walk outside to where Dave sits, draped with a tarp and connected to all those wires. It’s a major production, beginning with long underwear and two pairs of sox, and progressing through heavy pants and a couple of shirts, insulated snow boots, lined winter coat, scarf, balaclava, toque, and hood. I top this off by putting on thick winter gloves and pulling socks over the gloves.

All of this makes any kind of movement quite the exercise, so when I do make it out to Dave Brown, I’m ready to get a little something back. Instead, I get rejection.

The Boys (our horses) don’t much like this weather either. Their eyelashes turn white with frost, and they live for their next feeding of hay and pellets, which help warm them up. By now, the heater in the trough is doing only partial duty, and chipping out inch-thick ice is part of the morning routine. Tanner and Bradley are stoic beasts, taking whatever comes, but I marvel at their stamina in such conditions.

The dogs, of course, have been spending most of their days in the house. A few times a day, we roust them off the couch and push them outside, where they do a three-legged hop into the yard for a pee, or, if they’re feeling brave, accompany me to the barn.

Lower Mainlanders aren’t the only ones who turn into weenies in this weather.I heard one downtowner the other day worrying about catching a chill on his way to Cowboy for his daily eggnog latte.

And I understand one family was family who were depressed because the pump on their hot tub froze up, and “right at Christmas, too!” Apparently, this is a not uncommon hereabouts, and I sympathize. One can scarcely imagine Christmas without the hot tub. At The Farm, when a pump freezes up, it means we have to haul water from the river to the house in buckets for a couple of days.

Anyway, if I hear CBC giving one more dire report about a bus being behind schedule in downtown Vancouver because of the snow, or a campus being closed because the poor darlings can’t be expected to go into class “in freezing temperatures,” I will probably rip the power cord from the wall and demolish the radio.

 

Kevin Skrepnek, on December 27th, 2008 at 1:23 pm 

Well Mel, in their defense, at least Vancouver has yet to call in the army for help (a la Toronto)

Merry Christmas on this special day

Today, Christmas Day, I celebrate with family the way I’ve done all my life.

I don’t believe in the divinity  of Jesus Christ. I believe he was a special, remarkable man, a courageous leader who gave his life for what he believed. But I don’t believe he was conceived as the son of God, and I don’t believe he rose from the dead and was lifted up to Heaven.

Technically, then, I have no reason to celebrate Christmas. And yet, though my parents were both atheists, and raised us as atheists, celebrating Christmas was always an important family occasion for us. We exchanged gifts, put up a tree, and had big family gatherings for turkey dinner just like “everyone else.” Just like Christians, at least. The spirit of the Christmas season, of being there for one another, of peace — those were things we felt, and still do, this time of year. 

Though Christmas has never had deep religious meaning for me, I can’t imagine not observing it and taking part in it, any more than I can figure out why some people are offended by the Merry Christmas greeting, Christmas concerts, and so on.

I tried, as I was growing up, to figure out what makes the universe tick. I ended up  smart enough to know I’m not smart enough to know. I don’t possess enough intelligence to figure out who or what is running our universe, and I’m content with that. So I guess I’m a true agnostic rather than an atheist or humanist.

While I greatly appreciate it when someone offers a secular rather than a religious grace at a public dinner, I don’t feel at all uncomfortable with Christmas for the above reasons. I regard it as a gift to me and mine from Christianity, one of the great religions of the world.

And so, with sincerity, I wish you a very Merry Christmas.

News from a wandering son of Kamloops

Bob Egby, on December 24th, 2008 at 1:08 pm 

Hello Mel: Glad to see you’re still stirring the pot and running a damned good newspaper. You must have one super-sized wall to fit all those achievement awards. Sorry to see you didn’t get the Senate job. Among my very large collection of tomes is “They’ve Killed John Ussher” which you penned and gave me in 1973. If you send me your address, I’ll send you mine “Cracking the Glass Darkly.” Keep creating and stay well. Happy Christmas to you and yours. Bob Egby, Chaumont, upstate New York.

From Mel: Hi, Bob, great to hear from you, and all the best in the New Year. For those of you who don’t know, Bob is one of the best news guys and writers around — he was my predecessor as editor of The Daily News which was, at the time, The News Advertiser. Bob was later a favourite on CHNL with his Eggers For Breakfast show.

Senate appointments could have been worse

I am not impressed. Once again, I have been passed over for the Senate. Every time a vacancy comes up, I wait for the phone to ring, and the call never comes. I know just how Betty Hinton feels.

A certain source, who shall remain nameless (anonymous sources not remaining sources for long if you out them), floated the rumour a couple of weeks ago that Betty was in line for a Senate job.

The reliability, or lack of same, of said source was, of course, exposed in yesterday’s Senate announcements when Nancy Greene Raine got the nod instead of Betty. When I was asking around about the Betty rumour prior to yesterday, one theory was that it was a devious strategy by Prime Minister Harper to encourage public demands that the Senate be abolished.

Along the same lines as coming up with a flatulent statement on the economy and threatening to take funding away from the opposition parties, just so he could get Canadians excited at Christmas.

Anyway, I received a nice email from Nancy this morning and she’s obviously excited about going to Ottawa. Len Marchand proved senators can actually do good work. I think Nancy will do the same.

Why Nancy Greene is a great choice for Senate

A look at some of the blogs today would suggest Nancy Greene is a controversial choice for the Senate. This surprises me — I can’t think of anyone better qualified.

I’ve just finished reading our editorial for tomorrow’s Daily News, which says she is certainly unqualified if political experience is the criterion. On the other hand, she will provide a rude shock for the old fuddy-duddies in Ottawa.

I met Nancy for the first time in 1968, the year she won Olympics gold. She was touring around the province, and attended a reception thrown in her honour in Prince George. She was 25, I was 24, and meeting this world-famous phenom scared the hell out of me.

As I recall that particular day, she was obviously tired from the grind, but was unfailingly cheerful and polite. Cheerful is actually an under-statement when it comes to Nancy Greene. Gregarious, bubbly, straight-forward, these are qualities that have kept her in the limelight and in people’s hearts these many years.

Her special quality, in addition to her outgoing personality, is her candor. It will either sink her in Ottawa, or make her as much a star there as it has on the ski hill. I suspect the latter.

As for Stephen Harper appointing 18 senators when he might not be the government a month from now, that’s another story. But of those 18, Greene is one of his better choices.

Frootloops council plans menu for Christmas dinner

For publication in the Kamloops Daily News, Saturday, Dec. 20, 2008

Frootloops council chambers are decorated in a festive manner as Mayor Peter Saladbar settles into his chair and calls everyone to order.

MAYOR SALADBAR: OK, if you newbies would stop milling around and find your chairs, we’ll get this special meeting of Frootloops council underway. As you know, during the election campaign I was on the hotseat for not paying proper attention to the issue of our annual Christmas dinner. Well, I’m pleased to tell you that within 10 days of my swearing in, I called together a blue-ribbon — or rather, Christmas ribbon — panel (in camera, of course) to make recommendations.

COUN. MADGE ASPIRINA: I don’t have all the answers to everything, Your Pillowslip — well, almost everything — but I’ve read the report from your task force —

MAYOR SALADBAR: Not a task force. Advisory council, maybe.

COUN. ASPIRINA: Sure, whatever. I’d like to suggest, though, that we form a lasting partnership with TRU. They have a really good restaurant and we could eat there.

COUN. DENIS WISHLIST: I’d go along with that on the condition there’s no directional signage to clutter up the streetscape, and that we get free bus rides.

COUN. JOHN DECAPPUCCINO: Your Drollness, people are coming into the shop, they’re saying, “Who you gonna invite?” I say, “I dunno, I’ll find out.”

MAYOR SALADBAR: Good point. Thank goodness we’ve got some continuity on this council. For one, I’d like to invite Cathy.

SEVERAL COUNCILLORS: Cathy Who? . . . Who the heck is Cathy? . . . Not a clue. . . .

MAYOR SALADBAR: And Terry, as well.

SEVERAL COUNCILLORS: Terry? . . .  That rings a bell . . .  can’t quite place the name. . . .

MAYOR SALADBAR: How soon they forget. Any other suggestions?

COUN. PAT WATCHDOG: I think we should have the media there. Jim Blusterson, for one. Maybe Mel Rothenblather — we haven’t invited him to anything in quite awhile.

RANDY DOODLE, Chief Administrative Guy: Your Mumbleship, Mr. Blusterson says he’ll be busy that night writing down clichés for his editorials. And that pompous windbag Mel Rothenblather will be tied up writing a column about how he would have done things differently. But maybe Byron McSnorkel, our Parks and Recreation Guy, could give us a rundown on what we’ve got lined up so far.

McSNORKEL: Thank you, Mr. Doodle, through to his Shyness. We’re mostly working on dinner, and I have some good news to cluck about. Instead of turkey, we’ll be having chicken this year. The Bylaws Guys have a good stock of our little feathered friends that they’ve apprehended from clandestine backyard chicken operations around town.

COUN. NANCY BUBBLES: Speaking of which, I have concerns about the surveillance cameras the Police Guys installed on our municipal chicken coop. The hens have stopped laying because they feel their privacy is being invaded.

SALADBAR: Not for long. I like the chicken dinner idea, but who’s gonna volunteer to wring their scrawny little necks?

BUBBLES: I’m not doing it.

WISHLIST: Me neither. 

COUN. TINA TOAST: I’m out. All the meat in my restaurant comes in ready to slap on a sandwich.

COUN. JOHN O’FOOEY: You people are all wimps. When I was a lad growing up on the North Shore, I got a new hatchet every Christmas. Of course, chickens were a lot bigger back then. . . .

COUN. JIM HYDRANT: Mayor Milobeer, I think you should do it. And the sooner the better. Their noise is keeping our engineering department awake, and they’re really stinking up the place.

MAYOR SALADBAR: First of all, the name’s Saladbar, not Milobeer, which you would know by now if you’d been paying attention the last three years. Secondly, that smell isn’t the chickens. Ever since I traded in the Mayormobile for that one-horse open sleigh to save on gas, my parking spot has been getting a little messy. This Green Plan thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

McSNORKEL: Well, we can work out the details on the chickens later. We’ve been asked about Christmas carols, so we’ve put together a song sheet with some old favourites, like Twelve Barking Dogs, Deck the City Hall, O Little Town of Frootloops, Come All Ye Taxpayers, to name a few.

COUN. O’FOOEY: Personally, I’ve never known a chicken I didn’t like, especially on my plate. Could we get a rundown on the menu?

McSNORKEL: Glad to. We’ll start out with an appetizer of chicken kebobs and chicken curry, combined with a side dish of drumsticks and Buffalo wings, some breaded sweet and sour tenders, then enjoy scrambled eggs and stuffed chicken, and top the whole thing off with giblets au gratin dipped in an irresistible sauce of chicken drippings.

COUN. BUBBLES: But I’m a vegetarian.

McSNORKEL: No problem. For you, we have a tasty chicken feed salad of alfalfa meal and shelled corn, sprinkled with a poultry multi-balancer that’s to die for. And, of course, our traditional Christmas froot cake.

MAYOR SALADBAR: And, by the way, we’ll be having water to drink. I can’t get enough of that stuff. And coffee after dessert. They’re my two favourite beverages.

RANDY DOODLE: Your Flagship, your task force — sorry, ad hoc committee, also proposes a nice bonfire out behind Frootloops City Hall, but we’ll need a special motion exempting it from the bylaw.

COUN. WATCHDOG: So moved.

COUN. HYDRANT: I second that. I love the smell of roasted polyester in the evening. I’ll bring a fire extinguisher.

SALADBAR: The motion carries. I’m going to adjourn the meeting now, as I have to run off to one of my other jobs. Pulling down a hundred grand a year in salaries is keeping me a little busier than I’d expected. Terry Whatizname will be joining Coun. O’Fooey and myself down at Cowboy a little later for a reunion of the Decaffeinated Caucus. You’re welcome to join us. Merry Christmas, everyone!

SEVERAL COUNCILLORS: Merry Christmas!

Christmas cards aren’t what they used to be

The realization came upon me slowly, but I began noticing over the past few days that I wasn’t receiving as many Christmas cards as I’m used to. Sure, the occasional nice card was coming in — like the one signed by all the City council members — but usually, by now, my office is cluttered with them, wall to wall.

I was beginning to think it was because, yet again, I have failed to get around to sending out my own cards.

Yesterday, I got an email from Dr. Kathleen Scherf’s office at TRU. It was a Christmas greeting. An electronic Christmas greeting, to be exact, with an explanation that it was a replacement for the normal seasonal card as part of TRU’s “commitment to a sustainable future.”

Never mind that I couldn’t open the darn thing (my computer seems to freeze up every time I try). It’s the thought that counts.

Not to mention, it’s sure a lot cheaper than buying and mailing out cards. A sign, I figure, of these economic times in which we live. And when it comes to public money, I can find no fault in a public institution like TRU finding ways to economize.

I understand that, but I miss the old paper cards which are, by and large, printed on recycled paper these days, so they’re environmentally and sustainably friendly. But then, there’s the high cost of snail mail. . . .

So many of our traditions are changing and being replaced by new, easier, faster ways of doing things. Makes you kind of nostalgic for the old ways.

Trustee pay raises out of line

Sometimes I think we spend too much time worrying about how much politicians get paid. At others, I think we need to pay more attention.

For example, in my view, $18,000 a year for school trustees (they raised their own stipends to that Monday night) is way out of whack. A conscientious trustee probably spends, on average, five or six hours a week at the job. (Some would argue that point but it’s about right.) That includes board meetings, a committee meeting here and there, sometimes a school visit, and reading agendas.

That’s about $58 an hour.

New trustee Joan Cowden voted against the increase. But, since the motion was approved, will she accept it? The easiest thing in the world is to vote against something you know is going to pass, and reap double the benefits — appearing to be frugal, but pocketing the extra pay anyway.

It’s not clear at this point what Cowden intends to do but, as a Daily News editorial in tomorrow’s edition suggests, maybe she’d better give the raise to charity.

MLA a no-show for his own nomination

I’m guessing Kamloops-North Thompson MLA Kevin Krueger received a very important text message today, wherever he is. The gist of the message would have been that he is now officially the Liberal candidate for South Kamloops riding in next May’s provincial election.

Local Liberals held their nomination meeting last night, and Krueger is officially the man. Hardly a surprise. Krueger, though, wasn’t there. He’s out of the country on vacation.

True, he’s always had a lock on the nomination, just as Terry Lake — having been officially endorsed by Premier Gordon Campbell — was never going to have any opposition for the nomination in Kamloops North.

But, gee, wouldn’t you think it would be respectful to put off your vacation long enough to show up at your own nomination meeting (at least Lake was there last night)? Just asking.